Is it difficult for you to say no to people, even when you really want to do so? Do you sometimes, or even often, say yes to things and then regret your acquiescence later? If so, you are not alone. Many people are raised with the belief that not only is saying yes the correct thing to do, but that it is often easier to just say yes instead of no. Saying yes lets us avoid criticism, and the person you are saying yes to will not question your motives. Not only that, saying yes often leads to praise from the other person, which may make you feel loved or cared for – at least in the short term.
The Yin and Yang of Yes and No
However, think about this. You may have heard that in order to know true pleasure, you must have had to experience some pain. Why is that? The reason is, that if there were no pain, there would be nothing to compare to the pleasure. The reason things are pleasurable is because we know there are other things that are not. It is an odd dichotomy but one that holds true.
The same can be said when it comes to choosing to say yes or no. It can be difficult to say no, because of the reasons we talked about earlier, but in order to truly have freedom of choice, you have to realize that it is up to you whether you say yes or no. Like pleasure and pain, without no, there really is no such thing as yes. We need to realize that one does not exist without the other, and when we come to that realization, we understand that we actually have freedom to choose, and we recognize the power in having that freedom.
Embrace Your Personal Power
You have personal power, and the choice of saying yes or no is just one example of your power. If you have been in the habit of saying yes just to get along, or out of fear of disapproval, or because you crave affirmation from someone you care about, it can take some work to remind yourself that you actually do have a choice.
Look inward for examples of times you have said yes, when you really wanted to say no. Ask yourself why you believe you made that choice. What would have been different had you answered in the opposite way?
This is not meant to say that you should always answer no, of course! You have every right to say yes, and every right to say no, as long as your answer either way does not cause or promote harm to yourself, your loved ones, or impair your happiness. Just remember, that a yes answer only has power if there is the possibility of a no as well.